Editor's Note: Usually despite this blog being my online journal and my own sanctuary - I've kept matters of my heart relatively separate from here and my readers (my tumblr not so much since there's a level of anonymity). Well the cats out of the bag, I've decided to share with you what I've been dealing with personally and just my own musings on the matter. I hope it helps someone reading this! :)
No matter how long it's been since you broke up with your boyfriend, he will always have a spot in your heart. Depending how fresh the break up, you're probably just feeling pure hurt and hatred to the ex, though this will eventually turn to memories of happier times and pure love that you once held for each other - it's undoubtably true to say he's left a mark on your personality, look on life and how you'll approach entering a relationship in the future.
Once you've broken up - whether you were the one to do the breaking up or on the receiving end, it's going to hurt like hell. Sure you might think that just because he broke up with you means he just didn't care anymore or love you enough.
There are many reasons for relationships breaking down; bad timing, distance, no communication, other temptations or just no fucks given. It's true, those that truly know me, that talk to me and have seen me deal with this break up has seen how it's affected my look on life and love. On one hand, I've always been a true romantic yet the other half of me (I attribute this to being a Capricorn) is wholeheartedly realistic - so imagine my surprise after a truly random breakup occurs: there was no warning signs, no lead up to this and honestly everything was great! I've always thought perhaps too idealistically or romantically that if both parties love each other - truly love each other, then there's nothing that can stop them from making the relationship work. True it won't be easy, but what in life is?
Each person you let into your guarded heart cannot be truly erased - he's left a mark on you: he loved you, seen the true you and I guess ultimately broken your heart. He's also shaped you and given you incredible memories and experiences. Speaking personally, I still love him and will always hold a special spot for him in my heart but for now I can't have him in my life - I need time to mourn and heal.
They say that once a relationship is over, you can't be friends - true friends in ever sense of the word. I mean look at Carrie and Big - whether it's jealousy, not so subtle flirting or teasing or just the constant temptation of what was and what could have been, it just isn't so black and white.
Try to remember the happier times in your relationship after you've had enough time to grieve and hate him - because lets face it, it's easier to hate and blame him to move on as you assumed he has.
Little things remind you of him - the cafe you loved going to for brunch or that special little thai place that hardly no one knows about that you took him to or even a tv series you used to watch with him. These reminders, that necklace you wear that he bought you - like the relationship has both happy and sad memories attached to them. So should you get angry and throw away the love notes, dried roses or jewellery and truly 'let go'? Or just hide them away till you're ready to appreciate the unconditional love that you had once experienced with him? I can't tell you what to do, I personally can't yet throw these momentos away and am still wearing the necklace - given after a couple weeks of it off.
Do what you need to do to move on and slowly let your heart heal, watch Sex & the City marathons with your girlfriends, treat yourself to some fresh flowers, a Lush bubble bath or go out and splurge on that Chanel necklace you've been eyeing off. Retail therapy won't heal your heart but it sure can help! Sure you might still miss him, I know I miss my ex and honestly matters of the heart makes me feel like Lana Del Rey wrote her songs about me sometimes but things will get better and you'll grow stronger. Time will heal your heart but for now, look after yourself and go out and do what you've been dreaming of doing and have been putting off. Don't be controlled by your ex - you lived and survived without him and can do so again. Chin up x